If You Know a Batterer

What is Battering?

Battering is a pattern of behavior used by someone to establish and maintain power and control over an adult intimate partner and/or family member. Battering is never an isolated incident. Abusers use a series of tactics to hold power and control over their victims. These tactics include:

• Economic abuse.
• Emotional abuse.
• Intimidation.
• Coercion and sexual violence.

What can you do if the batterer is your friend, relative or co-worker?
Typically, it has seemed unthinkable that observers would say or do anything about domestic violence. Saying and doing something to challenge a batterer feels difficult, but it is what a friend would do. You can challenge the batterer because you care about and respect the victim. You can challenge the batterer because you care about and want to respect them.

What you can say:

I notice that you:

• Interrupt your partner.
• Criticize your partner’s family, looks, job, parenting skills, etc.,
• Yell at and intimidate your partner.

Explain how this affects you:

• I am surprised that you would use that language.
• That concerns me very much.
• It is difficult to respect you when you behave like this.

Name the abuse:

• No one deserves to be abused for any reason.
• There is no excuse for battering!
• Offer resources: The Domestic Abuse Education Project (DAEP) 802-864-7423 offers groups for those who batter.