If You Know a Batterer

What is Battering?
Battering is a pattern of behavior used by someone to establish and maintain power and control over an adult intimate partner and/or family member. Battering is never an isolated incident. Abusers use a series of tactics to hold power and control over their victims. These tactics include:
• Economic abuse.
• Emotional abuse.
• Intimidation.
• Coercion and sexual violence.

What can you do if the batterer is your friend, relative, or co-worker?
Typically, it has seemed unthinkable that observers would say or do anything about domestic violence. Saying and doing something to challenge a batterer feels hard, but it is what a friend would do. You can challenge him because you care about and respect her. You can challenge him because you care about and want to respect him.

What you can say to him --
I notice that you:
• Interrupt her.
• Criticize her family, looks, job, parenting skills, etc.,
• Yell at and intimidate her.

Explain how this affects you:
• I´m surprised that you would use that language.
• That concerns me very much.
• It is hard to respect you when you behave like this.

Name the abuse:
• No one deserves to be abused for any reason.
• There is no excuse for battering!
• Offer resources: The Domestic Abuse Education Project (DAEP) 802/864-7423 offers groups for men who batter.